How To Call In 'Sick'

You might also like:
Everyday English - 'Health Fanatic' by John Cooper Clarke.

Survival Tips for Speaking English on the Telephone.
How To Write Your Personal Value Statement on Your CV?


The flu season has started, so you may need to call in sick sooner or later. It is best to keep it simple:

• Introduce yourself first:

• Hello? This is.. (your name) calling. 
• I work... (say the department you're working for - unless, obviously, you are calling your supervisor) 
  

• Get to the point:

• I'm afraid I won't be able to come to work today...
• (say why) I've got a bug of some sort. / I'm down with a bad cold. / I think I've got food poisoning...  
  
• ....and I'm in no state to leave the house.
  

• Appear helpful:
  

• if you are working on a project, say who else they can go to in your absence if there is a problem
• you may want to let them know that they can call you in an emergency, but make sure you sound so ill that they'll know not to take you up on your offer.

Here is a video from Howcast on how to fake being sick and get a free day off. Obviously we don't approve of such practices but the video contains loads of nice colloquial expressions that you may find useful. Enjoy!

How To Call in "Sick" on Howcast

Step 1: Pick a day

Decide what day you want off. Try to pick a day where you’ll get out of something unpleasant.
Monday and Friday are particularly conspicuous; the three-day weekend is a dead giveaway.


Step 2: Decide what to do

Think about how to spend your day off. Forget going to a tanning or beauty salon. If you show up the next day with a tan or a perm , you’ll be busted.


Step 3: Decide on malady

Decide on a reasonable malady, and keep it simple. “I’ve got a bug” is easier to remember than a long, involved tale of exotic food poisoning. And remember: you’ll have to be “better” in 24 hours.


Step 4: Rehearse your story

Rehearse what you will say when you call in. Repeat your story until you’re satisfied you have struck the right mix of fact and fiction.


Step 5: Call before office hours

Make the call before office hours so you get your supervisor’s voicemail, which can’t talk back or ask probing questions.
Play an alibi tape you recorded when you really were sick—and silence any background noise—to leave a convincingly pitiful message.


Step 6: Prepare to return

After spending a glorious day doing whatever you like, prepare to return to work. Rehearse your response to inquiries about your health and other questions that might catch you off guard.

If you’re a woman, return to work without a stitch of makeup. This will convince any doubters that you truly were sick. If you’re a man, stay unusually quiet all day.


Step 7: Find out what you missed

Once you’re back, make a show of finding out everything that happened the day before, so you can catch up on whatever work you missed. You’re so dedicated!

VOCABULARY:

conspicuous - something that attracts attention, something that people notice very quickly:

• In China, her blonde hair was conspicuous. = everybody noticed her because of her blonde hair, since blonde hair is unusual in China

a dead giveaway = a sure giveavay ('dead' followed by another adjective often means incredibly, absolutely, extremely and is used to add emphasis to the adjective that follows)

• I don't think it's a good idea. In fact, I'm dead against it. = I'm totally against it.
  

a giveaway - something that tells or shows something secret, often without intending to:

• He said he'd given up smoking, but the empty packets in the bin were  a dead  giveaway  = clearly showed the secret truth (that he was still smoking).

busted - (slang) caught doing something bad, also: arrested

• He got busted last year for stealing cars. = The police arrested him last year for stealing cars.

malady - (very formal) an illness, a disease

to rehearse - to practice, especially before a performance such as a theatre play or a concert.

• The musicians rehearsed (the symphony) for the concert. 

probing questions - difficult questions; questions that are meant to get information out of you


inquiries - (formal) questions

•  All inquiries should be directed to Mr Jones. = If you have any questions, ask Mr Jones

to catch somebody off guard - to surprise someone by doing something which they are not expecting and are not ready for.

• Her question caught me completely off guard and I didn't know what to say. = I wasn't expecting her to ask me this question and I didn't know what to say.

 without a stitch of makeup = without any makeup